


The bite that binds

by Qpenguin98



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Cockblocked by Trauma, F/M, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, lups been in an umbrella for 11 years yall, problems with intimacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 23:04:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20514962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: Lup is back in her body and she’s not sure she could ask for any better way to spend the rest of her undeath. She has her family back, plus some new additions, and a cool new gig, not to mention being able to speak and see and feel everything again. It’s too much sometimes, overwhelming in a horrible awful scary way, but it’s okay!





	The bite that binds

Lup is back in her body and she’s not sure she could ask for any better way to spend the rest of her undeath. She has her family back, plus some new additions, and a cool new gig, not to mention being able to speak and see and feel everything again. It’s too much sometimes, overwhelming in a horrible awful scary way, but it’s okay! It’s okay because she has the ability to be overwhelmed by those things again, so none of it could ever be all bad.

It’s not like she’s broadcasting that all around either.

Barry was way too cautious in the first couple months of her having a new body, but he’s gotten mostly over it and she’s relieved. She kept getting upset and then feeling bad for getting upset and then getting upset over feeling bad and so on.

It wasn’t unfounded, his caution. If she were being honest with herself she needed it, but she never accepted it, and she definitely won’t tell him that she needs it now.

This isn’t right and Lup knows it, but if she allows herself to feel weak about her body, then she’ll allow herself to feel weak about other things that she doesn’t want to deal with yet, probably never, and forcing herself through the bad sensations can only desensitize her to everything. That’s the goal, after all.

“Hey,” Barry says quietly, coming up behind her as she looks through the bookshelf. She can feel him hesitate before wrapping his arms around her waist. It’s warm, comfortable, familiar. She hums a greeting and rests a hand on top of his arms.

“Whatcha doin’?” He asks, looking over her shoulder. She shifts her feet and he rocks with her.

“Looking for a book,” she says lightly, glancing her eyes down and behind her. He’s looking up at her and smiling and she smiles back for him.

He presses a kiss to her neck, and his lips linger and ah, that’s what he’s doing.

“Why Barry Bluejeans, are you doing your backwards ass way of seducing me?”

“Is it working?” He asks instead of answering straightforward, which gets a laugh out of her.

“I wouldn’t say it’s not,” she tells him instead of giving a straightforward answer of her own, and he grins. She twists around in his arms and bends to kiss him properly. Lup is quickly approaching what should probably be her touch limit, but she’s damned if she’s going to deny him this. It’s not as if they haven’t fucked since she’s been in a body again. It’s fun and she missed it and so did he and it’s so fucking good to be able to close like that again, but sometimes it’s just

It’s

It can be a lot, but it’s fine.

Barry pulls her in closer, hand pressed to the small of her back, tilting her towards him, and she relishes in it. His other hand slips just under her shirt, resting lightly against her hip, and it tingles oddly against her skin.

“You sure?” he asks in a pause for air, and it’s always an eager question. He’d respect her decision regardless of her answer and she loves it so much.

She doesn’t hesitate in saying yes.

They make their way backwards through doorways into the bedroom, Lup falling comically onto the bed and she laughs, slipping her pants off and scooting up the bed more. He follows after her, jeans gone, shirt still on, swinging his legs overtop hers and resting lightly there. She’s acutely aware of the press of his legs to hers, the way it numbs and crackles under the skin, and she reaches out and pulls him in closer.

“Whatcha wanna do, cool guy?” She asks in an airy voice, and he snorts, giving her the gentlest smile she’s ever seen. Her heart twists in her ribs as she stares at him, lips parting.

“Wanna put my mouth all over you,” he says, and then laughs at the ridiculousness of the sentence. “For real.”

“How could you not?” she asks, still staring at the goofy smile on his face. She waves a hand down the length of her body. “With all this? I’m irresistible, babe.”

“You really are,” he says, and he kisses her, cupping her face with his hands. She leans up into it despite wanting to pull away, and he hums against her mouth. Pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth, he pushes on her shoulders gently, nudging her down, and she goes, laying back on the cushions, too soft, too plush.

Barry goes down her neck, sucking gently, hands resting on her waist. She takes in a shaky breath and she can feel the smile on his lips. He pulls back to lift her shirt off and she raises her arms, giving him a toothy reassuring smile.

He kisses at her collarbone, down and down the middle of her chest, a kiss at her breasts, the soft part of her stomach, and everywhere he touches feels empty and hollow and sinking and she’s not actually sure this is going well.

He sucks a kiss into her skin, shifts his legs over hers, and she makes a noise that’s much more nervy than she intended. Barry sits up fully and looks at her, brows furrowed.

“Are you okay?”

“Mhm, yeah,” she says, throat tight in an attempt to keep her voice level. She thinks her lungs are rattling, and oh gods that’s new. “Just gotta, ha, gotta gimme a—”

His hands move innocuously down to rest at her hips and she spasms, hands twitching and curling at her sides. Her eyes squeeze shut and she can feel his hands pull off her, bed moving with him.

“Lup?” he asks nervously, and she knows he’s got his hands twisting together, biting at the corner of his lip inside his mouth.

“’m fine,” she says unconvincingly. She opens her eyes, pulling a deep breath. “Just got a little twitchy. “It’s okay, I just need a second.”

“You look really not good. Do you want to stop? We can stop.” She was right. His hands wring together and he chews inside his mouth when he isn’t speaking.

“I’m f-f…” her body centers itself on the parts of him touching her and it’s unbearable. She heaves in air and tries again. “Fine. I’m fine. Maybe, uh, maybe we can focus on you for a while though? I really do just… I just need a minute.”

“We’re not—,” he says, brows drawn, mouth turned down. “What? No, no, we’re stopping. Absolutely.”

“I don’t—”

“I do,” he says firmly. She stares at him, half sat up from the bed. He gets off of her entirely, sitting on the other side of the bed and watching her. Her body just feels empty without him touching her, but at least her lungs have stopped rebelling against her. She lays back down with a woosh of air, closing her eyes and twisting up her lips.

“Is this new?” He asks quietly. She wraps her arms around herself and shakes her head no.

“It’s fine,” she says immediately after, not opening her eyes. “I promise, I’m dealing, it’s just sometimes it’s too much—”

“Wait, go back,” he says, and it’s so much more frantic than she would have expected. “This has happened before? Like this?”

“Not like this,” she whispers. “Usually it just… it just feels bad sometimes but I’m feeling so it’s okay. It’s— this isn’t usually what happens, Barry I really don’t know what’s going on.”

She opens her eyes and look at him and he looks… he looks scared. She scrunches her face up in confusion and he lets out a puff of air.

“Lup,” he says very quietly, not looking at her. “Have you just been lying to me these past months?”

“What?” She hasn’t been lying—

“You’ve been letting me— letting me touch you however I want and you’ve said it’s fine every single time. You just said this happens, and I have to assume it’s a lot, so have you been lying to me?”

“Barry,” she says, and it’s pained. He looks at her, eyes red rimmed, and oh gods no that’s not what she wanted. “It’s not, it’s not that. I didn’t mean to, I just didn’t want, I didn’t want you worrying and—”

“That’s my job! I’ve been worrying about you for the past twelve years, do you think I’m going to stop now?”

“That’s the point!” She sits up, body still tingling. She takes a second to breathe, letting her body settle into itself before starting again. “That’s the point. You shouldn’t have to worry about me. It’s done, it’s over. I’ve got my body back and it doesn’t fucking matter whether things feel good or not, it matter that I can feel them at all. You can touch me, it’s been so long did you think I was gonna give that up? Do you think I care if it feels bad and wrong and fizzy after too long? I care that I’m back and I have a body and it can feel everything you do.”

Her voice cracks at the end and tears leak out of her eyes, but Lup doesn’t break eye contact with him. He gapes at her, breathing shallowly, hands limp at his sides.

“Lup, Lup you can’t do that. You have to talk to me. You _have_ to talk to me. I can’t do this if you’re going to tell me you’re fine every time I’m hurting you.”

“You’re not hurting me,” she says quietly. “You’re not. I… I want it to—”

“Don’t,” Barry chokes out, hands fisting into the sheets. “You don’t, I know you don’t. You want things to be like they were which is why you’re putting up with it, but please don’t. Just tell me when it’s too much and we can take a minute to just be apart. I don’t care, Lup, whatever you need, but I can’t touch you when you won’t tell me if it’s wrong. You have to tell me. I can’t do that.”

“I just want,” she whispers, not quite finishing the thought. Barry nods.

“I know,” he says, voice raspy. “Me too, and we’ll get there, but we have to move slower.”

Lup rests her head on her knees, taking in air slowly in an attempt to calm down. She gives up on that pretty quickly and sticks her hand out towards him, open for the taking.

“Lup.”

“Just hands are fine right now,” she mumbles into her knees. “I don’t think I can do any more, but… please.”

There’s a pause before his hand wraps around hers. She calms down a bit, not overwhelmed by the light touch of his fingers and palm. It’s nice, it’s comforting. If he did anymore she thinks her body would go right back to feeling like it’s collapsing in itself, but he won’t. He wouldn’t.

“’m sorry,” she says, not looking up. “Fuck Bar, I’m sorry.”

“It’s… it’s not okay but I get it. I know why you did it, and honestly I probably would have too, but I don’t think you know how scary that was. Your body doesn’t like a lot of touch right now, and it hasn’t for a while, but you’ve just been letting me touch you however I want for all these months without saying anything while you hurt and feel wrong and Lup that’s,” he pauses, squeezing her hand lightly, “that’s pretty damn near the top of the list for things I never want to do.”

She nods and squeezes his hand back. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” he says, voice sullen. “Just please don’t do that again.”

“I won’t,” Lup tells him firmly, raising her head to make eye contact with him. His face is red and streaky, but he gives her a shaky smile regardless.

“Okay,” he says, looking at her, considering. “Do you need anything? Want anything?”

“My shirt back?” she asks, looking over the edge of the bed at it on the floor. He leans over and grabs it, handing it to her. She takes her hand away for a second to pull it on.

“Technically it’s my shirt,” he says, trying to lighten the mood, and he’s not wrong. It’s an old loose flannel that she never unbuttons, just pulls on like a t-shirt.

“It’s been in my possession long enough that it’s mine now,” she says, grabbing for his hand again. He takes it firmly and she squeezes. “It will be returned to you once I need it to smell like you again.”

“You’re like a cat,” he says, looking at her fondly. “I’m gonna get that shirt back.”

“Absolutely not,” she says, looking at him with soft eyes.

Lup is not fine, not in any sense of the word, but with Barry’s hand wrapped around her own, a comfortable space between them, she thinks she’s starting to feel a little bit better.

**Author's Note:**

> hi it been a second but i do still love lup and barry more than anything in the world  
this is rough but i gotta get all my could be labeled "torture pron" out before i really get into this writing class and have to read so much of it  
i hope you liked and please comment if you did!


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